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As abundant as tabloids of any era accept fabricated a barter of boring women through hell, this was conceivably abnormally accurate of the mid-’00s, which saw the 2004 absolution of Lindsay Lohan’s “Rumors,” the 2007 breakdown of Britney Spears, and the advancing exploits (and, about 2005, consecutive breakup) of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Amateur Keira Knightley, whose celebrity was on the acceleration acknowledgment to a access of films including Pirates of the Caribbean, Bend It Like Beckham, Love, Actually, and, eventually, Atonement, additionally frequently begin herself in their crosshairs.

Knightley opened up about the “mental breakdown” precipitated by her aboriginal success in a new account with The Hollywood Reporter’s “Awards Chatter” podcast. Admitting she delivered accomplished performances beyond a array of genres, her aplomb was annoyed because reviews tended to focus on her looks and, as she put it, “I was acquainted that I didn’t apperceive what I was doing, you know? I didn’t apperceive my trade, I didn’t apperceive my craft. I knew that there was article that formed sometimes, but I didn’t apperceive how to abduction that,” she said. “You’re accepting all these nominations for all of these things, but press-wise, back I’m activity into interviews, bodies are still saying, ‘Everybody thinks you’re s–t,’ or absorption on your looks, or absorption on what’s amiss with you.”

And admitting she acquainted “worthless,” she said, she was additionally consistently followed by hordes of paparazzi—as abounding as 20, per the new interview—whose business was documenting “women falling apart,” she said. “It was big business.”

Tabloid readers, and consumers of pop culture, “wanted them to be y, but you capital to abuse them for that uality,” Knightley explained. The money absolutely lay with documenting the ugliness, for the paparazzi, so if their targets weren’t already “breaking bottomward in advanced of them,” the photographers would frequently advance them to the bluff of breakdown.

“Suddenly there was a akin of violence, it felt, in the air,” the amateur said.

She pushed back—“I anticipate I’ve consistently had a ‘f–k-you’ on, and it was so accessible that they capital me to fall, and I had such, like, a ‘I’m not gonna accord you what you want.’ So there was a faculty of action every day abrogation the house,” she explained. (She additionally declared herself as “the changeable adaptation of an affronted adolescent man.”)

In adjustment to appear the BAFTAs for Atonement, for which she was nominated for Best Lead Actress, she had to abide hypnotherapy “so that I could angle on the red carpet,” she said, “and not accept a agitation attack.”

Knightley was not nominated for an Academy Award for that film, and while that accurate account ability be met with disappointment by many, Knightley says her aggregation absolutely congratulated her, because it meant she wouldn’t accept to airing addition red carpeting for the film.

By 22, she was diagnosed with post-traumatic accent ataxia as a aftereffect of the burden of her career and the accessory columnist coverage. She took a year off, but, as apparent in her Sundance-premiering latest effort, Colette, that hasn’t slowed her down. “I abstruse my trade. I did it actual publicly, but I accept abstruse my trade, and technically, whatever you charge me to do, I can bear it,” she said. “I’m in a acceptable abode area I feel appealing assured about what I can do.”

Related video: Watch the bivouac for ‘Colette’ (via Screenplay) 

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